Grab your hemp-infused kombucha, Nevada County, and spark your organic cackles, because Heidi Hall, our wokest warrior queen, is preaching her way to Congress in a campaign against Kevin Kiley that’s less “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” and more “Dazed and Confused.” Your ol’ pal Rusty Dankbud, the ganja-guru of local lunacy, was toking on some primo “Sierra Skunk” when I sniffed out this fiasco weeks ago.

Rusty Dankbud went at Miners Foundry to watch Kevin Kiley pull a vanishing act on the Indivisible Nevada County town hall, leaving a room full of Bay Area transplant, Trump-deranged, Prius-piloting relics who ditched San Francisco for bucolic Nevada County clutching their “Resist” pins and unraveling into a woke frenzy. The townhall turned into a three-hour TDS therapy session with keynote preacher Supervisor Heidi Hall, Nevada County’s self-anointed queen of sanctimony, leading the charge like a progressive televangelist on a righteous bender.

Poor Kevin Kiley—our District 3 golden boy—probably thought he was doing a solid with these office hours. “Come vibe, constituents!” he says, all polished and straight-edge, expecting a few chill folks with pothole gripes and legitimate federal budget concerns. Instead, he gets a tsunami of progressive Boomers, a plaid-and-patchouli posse demanding he dismantle the patriarchy by lunch or at least ban plastic vape pens in Nevada County.

In a move that has left taxpayers clutching their wallets and laughing through the tears, Nevada County Executive Alison Lehman and her trusty Board of Supervisors have greenlit a $75,000 contract with Bryce Consulting, Inc., to “survey” their compensation. Because apparently, the only thing more critical than affordable housing or higher wages for lower-level county staff is figuring out if Lehman’s nearly half million-dollar annual compensation package comes with enough gold stars.